Honk India Honk!

I know, we have quite a few (virtual) reality shows on TV with a similar name. This one is a unique pure reality show, though! 😉

Welcome to THE SHOW OF THE 3rd MILLENIUM! We’ve had contestants from the 2nd MILLENIUM as well, right from the time the vehicle horn was invented. The show wasn’t as competitive, popular & successful then, as much as it is now!

Great? So how do you participate?

Damn simple! If you drive a vehicle in any part of the country, you already are a participant in the phenomenal success of the untold, unregulated & the free-for-all – “Honk India Honk” pure reality show.

Your sole ‘task‘ is to HONK HONK HONK HONK & HONK! (Yeah, jussst make a lot of *NOISE*! If you hit high decibel levels, they stimulate your, as well as other’s vehicles to perform better!) 😉

Tips to give your best “performance:

  • Honk to check if your vehicle’s battery is alive, even with the ignition off.
  • Honk when you start your vehicle, just to check if the battery works. (Though it worked fine to start the vehicle, in the first place.)
  • Honk to get the security guy to open up the gates for you. (Special tip: Repeat again, when you come back.)
  • Honk to call your family & friends (F&F) to get into/onto the vehicle.
  • Honk to just call your F&F to their window/balconies to talk to them loudly from your vehicle.
  • Honk to announce the arrival of your “cavalcade” to all the low-beings on and around the street. MOVE SOME DIRT!
  • Honk to get on to the road from your street; honk to get off the road onto your street
  • Honk to get the vehicles before you to get off the road and make way for the ROYAL YOURSELFNESS!
  • Honk if you’re late for work; honk even if you’re on time. BIG DEAL!
  • Honk angrily if the signal just turned RED. DRATS… *@$%#^!
  • Honk in frustration if the signal doesn’t turn GREEN quickly. WHAT-A-PAIN!
  • Honk impatiently if the vehicles in front of you don’t move quickly when the signal has turned GREEN. DAMN THESE DUMB SNAILS!
  • Honk just to irritate the drivers ahead of you, especially if one of them has given you a dirty look for honking already. WTF! HOW DARE HE/SHE?
  • Honk at the traffic ahead of you; honk at the traffic coming from the opposite direction. SECULAR HONKING!
  • Honk at the cud-chewing cow sitting right in the middle of the road. How come she DOESN’T KNOW that you’re in a hurry?
  • Honk at the guy who just cut your path from the left. WHAT AN A*SEH*LE!
  • Honk at the guy whose path you just cut from the right. WHAT AN IDIOT! Who gave him the license to drive?
  • Honk at the crowded procession ahead of you. BLOODY ANTS!
  • Honk at the large vehicles, honk at the small vehicles. NO DISCRIMINATION!
  • Honk especially where there’s a NO HONKING sign. You score more points for sheer guts!
  • Honk even if the road is empty & there’s no one to honk at. WHERE’S EVERYONE?
  • Honk for NO REASON AT ALL! What the heck!?

More tips, from a popular e-mail in circulation – “Why do you honk your horn?“:

  • Because it is there.
  • It adds auditory colour to the intricate visual tapestry of day-to-day street existence.
  • I bought it; I’m gonna use it.
  • It is part of an essential bat-like sonar echolocation system.
  • I beep, therefore I am.
  • It stimulates milk production in the cows.
  • It scares off potential attackers as I run the gauntlet.
  • My horn switch has only one position.
  • A hammer is to pound things with; a horn… duh!
  • It helps keep me awake. (Popular with over-night bus drivers)
  • Not honking through the fray
  • Without my horn
    • I feel forlorn
    • I beep it all the day
    • I cannot see…
    • How I could be?

If none of the above appease you to participate vigourously – you can also “Honk if you’re lonely tonight“! And/Or just for fun?

Interesting behaviourial explanation: Why we do what we do?

8 thoughts on “Honk India Honk!”

  1. I have seen people honking at dogs also. I think that’s a “Hello Brother” kinda message.

    In our parking lot, I see a Ford Ikon with 2 bumper stickers: “Honk if you are stupid” and “honk if you are constipated”.

    There are some extremely stupid bike riders who listen to FM radio through ear-phones while riding. In such cases, even the loudest honks don’t work.

    I stay outside the city, so I get to drive on empty roads. Numerous times, I have been stuck behind a lorry going at 30 kmph trying to overtake another one going at the same speed. I see no point in honking because no lorry is going to slow down to give me way. (going faster is not an option for them anyway).. What do I do? I wait for a minute, then get totally frustrated, and honk. and honk.. and honk.. and honk.. and I still am stuck behind them.. what’s the point in honking? Only my frustration builds up.

    So, no point in honking.

  2. Yes Nirav,

    Honking has become an art of Indian life style. We honk unnecessarly, impatiently and inspite of it India top the Road accidental deaths.

    Now-a-days honking starts by 4 AM like SUPRABATAM and ends by 11 PM like LOREE by these BPO cabs.

    Earlier cows on Bangalore roads used to respond to honks but now they are so used to it that they just sleep BINDAS like “Whose father’s what goes” 😛

  3. You can add one more point to your list.

    Typically when a girl, or a so called mod-girl, is walking SOMEWHERE which is not at all obstructing your way, majority of the guys honk and honk and honk until she turns around to give a glimpse/glance/smile/stare/curse.

    I seriously don’t understand what is the fun behind in gaining such attention!!!

  4. And you had the time to research this aspect thoroughly! Like the name of your blog suggests – You really throw unhandled exceptions. Just wondering ‘why you do what you do’. I would really like to see you publish this on your blog, rather than modertae it, and see how many disagree. Lets see!

  5. In the mornings peak traffic times its crazy, it as if you are in “Who can honk the loudest” competition.

    Add to this the horrible sound the Auto-rickshaws make, sometimes wonder how the hell can these pass sound and air pollution tests.

    Pulsar, I must say has the worst horn, highly irritating.

  6. And tell me what should I do when I see that girl, walking at 5 kmph, in the middle of the narrow road, fully engrossed in texting or talkng on her mobile, oblivious of the surroundings, with a foot distance separating her and the front of my car.

    Take a gun and shoot ?

    In Bangalore at least, I know the most important part of a vehicle is horn. I can drive in Bangalore with a damaged bake. Driving without a horn, Oh my god, I can’t even think of it.

    In fact I am thinking of writing a book on honking in Bangalore. I am still searching for a title. Some of the candidates are.

    1. To Honk or not to Honk
    2. The importance of being a Honker
    3. Zen and the art of Horn maintenance and Honking
    4. Horn apke hey kaun
    5. The Horn
    6. First among Honkers
    7. One hundred years of Honking
    8. The god of small Horns
    9. The Hornsake
    10. Megahonking
    11. The Horn less honked.
    13. The origin of Horns
    oh so many like that.

    1. Boss – you *are* supposed to honk (at the girl! ;-)). 🙂 No questions there… This blog is against unnecessary honking, for the various reasons listed… 🙂

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